So I'm just writing this one because I'm bored. I don't even know what I'm going to write about but I know something'll come......do do doo doo.....dododoodo..........fofdododoodododododod

Oook enough of that. I've been making my bed lately. I'm proud of myself. I never saw the need to do it, rationally. Now I'm beginning to see it from a different perspective. It's sooo nice to crawl into a fresh, cozy bed with the sheets pulled tight. I think I've been sleeping better, actually. Of course, it may just be psychological....but I'm stickin to it.

So all this talk about needing a vacation and I think I'm going to take one - the 1st week on January. My friends are getting married on the 3rd in Indiana so I figured I'd take some time off to go, and while I'm on my way stop and see my friend in Pittsburgh. I've never been out that way. It should be a fun experience. I could even go out and see......well I'm not sure what exactly there is to see, but if I have a couple extra days I could go see something, haha. Ah yes the Great Lakes! Always wanted to see one or some of those. I gotta look at a map here. Don't judge me, I haven't been out there before :-P. Wow I could hit up a bunch of cities: Chicago, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Ann Arbor, Toledo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh. Heck yes! I am excited! Now let's see how this all pans out. Lemme get workin on this.....
byes!

I am stressed. Let me repeat that: I AM STRESSED! Maybe this is all kinda like the snowball effect, but I'm stressed about the semester ending 1st off. Then I'm worried about where my life is headed. Then I'm worried about friends & relationships and how they're staying alive (or not evolving), about money, about family, about God, and I'm sure I could go on but I will try to spare you.
With this semester ending, that brings stress about final grades. Everything I do now really matters. Before I had the mentality that I will try my best, but if that's not good enough I can make it up later. Well you know how it goes I'm sure. Later IS now! I need to get A's in micro and A&P so that I can make it into dental hygiene. If I can't make it into dental hygiene then I'll have to change my major and go to school, live at home, work at WV for another couple of years. Oh, and dig myself deeper into debt.

Yesterday I had a good day. I had my first day off from school and work for a long time. I went to Roots to hang with my family. The women there always make me feel pretty (mostly because they tell me) and that is a huge self esteem boost. I am never, ever validated except for those women (and my g-ma) so that means a lot to me. Actually, one woman my mother works with told my mom that she wants to hook me up with her son. That made me feel pretty good. Apparently she will tell him to look me up on facebook. I doubt he'll message me, because I doubt he'll find me attractive. I'm never anyone's type.
So this great day that I had yesterday I'm blaming for this shitty day today. I was feeling pretty good about myself, and now I'm down on myself. I'm blaming myself and my bad luck for my troubles. Two people lied to me yesterday. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't let it get to me so much. But today, it's making me feel like an undesirable person - someone who deserves to be lied to. Maybe I am.
This being in your 20's thing blows. High school blew. This blows. I can only logically conclude that things will continue to blow. I do feel like I'm making some progress in general however. I do have my setbacks, such as days like today. I just want to sit with a close friend and talk for hours...with coffee.....and Jo.

The time is finally approaching! The time where I can sit back and relax and hang with friends!! Ahh yes! I have missed it so. This past week has been brutal. Since Monday I've had either work or school and have had 5 tests to study for. Not to mention the usual homework. So here's how it's going. Monday - school & test, Tuesday - work, Wednesday - school, Thursday - work, Friday - school & 2 tests, Saturday - work, Sunday - work, Monday - school & 2 tests, Tuesday - OFF!, Wednesday - test. I should mention that the days I work are 8 hour days and all but one are 10-6 shifts. Tomorrow (Sunday) I work 7-3 then home to study for my two tests on Monday! Ok I think I've successfully gotten you to pity me (or not). Now I should stop.
I still have a boat load of things to get done! But this week I should be able to get most, if not all, of that done.

I've been really itchin to move out again lately. It sucks. I just want my own space again. My own bathroom, kitchen, living room, balcony, yard, and whatnot. More is better of course. I have stuff. I have no where for most of this stuff. I'll want to buy more stuff to fill the more abundant space as well. I'll see a picture of a room in a mag or something (prob not a mag cuz I don't read mags) and I'll say "that's what my kitchen will look like!" And then a problem arises. I'm struggling to afford this place in the first place, how am I going to keep buying all these pretty things to make my home someplace I really want to come home to. Oh my I'm getting into it again. Well you see, I've had this problem already. I was out on my own, struggling to afford it and all the while wanting a pretty home. I just gotta put my hope in God that all of this will take care of itself in one way or another.
I can't make my room here what I want it to be because it's too small. I have things I would love to keep in my room. I want a little lounge area too. No can do in this space.

This Is Quite Difficult

I know it's hard to believe, but I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. Nostalgic, often. Alone, mostly. Confused, almost always. Sometimes I think I might have stumbled upon the right mindset/viewpoint/attitude but that quickly fades out as a new unwelcome thought finds its way in. I'm trying to figure it all out. I know well enough that I won't...ever....but isn't that what we're supposed to do in this life? Try to figure it out and become someone you know you can't ever possibly become?
What a terrible conundrum.

There is nothing for which I'm responsible.
Just this baggage I keep carrying on,
As if I had someone.

Maybe there's a woman somewhere,
Who's still thinking of me.
A girl with coal black hair,
Who's haunted in her dreams.
By what they've seen, but it wasn't me.
It's just some lie, they slept beside.
Yeah I kept this from them,
But I can't keep this from you.

So will you look for me, in that strange bright place,
Where the statues bloom in the park.
They don't need no brain.
Cause how I ever got to you, I have no idea.
It's like some secret door, well it just appeared.
So, no matter what I do from now on with my time
You will always stay here, in my mind.
I'm certain of this, and I'm not certain of anything.

So, I wanna get myself attached to something bolted down.
So these winds of circumstance won't keep blowin' me around.
From when I land to when I leave:
There's not enough time to sleep and sing.
I keep running around and all I want is to lay motionless.

Underoath \m/

I've been listening to the new Underoath album, Lost in the Sound of Separation lately. It comes out on Tuesday and I highly recommend it! It's really good to listen to for me right now. I figured I'd post some of the lyrics on here that kinda spoke to me.

"We Are the Involuntary"
There's a calling ahead
A desperation
A falling of man
We are all lost in the sound of separation
Hands in the air and love at our sides
There's gotta be something bigger
With the beating in our throats
And the tremble in our grip
This can't be it
I'll come up for peace
I'll come down for truth
I'll give in, I'll give up for you
The floors are shaking
And we've lost our step
Oh Lord, have mercy on us all

"Coming Down in Calming Down"
The lost ask for a hand
But I can't stop, I never stop
I've been losing my footing here
I'm all mixed up in this
I need some kind of change
God make it stop, I can't make it stop
This place is getting smaller
Everything in your darkest thoughts about me might be true
I hear the words you say, I still feel nothing
I put my voice out there for you to hear
But the words never made much sense to you
I've lost my path
I'm fading fast
Time is short
Time is up
This is really my plan
To get out in one piece
Is this really your plan
To keep me lost and on my knees
I say redemption
Can someone help me hold on

"Breathing in a New Mentality"
Oh, I'm in over my head again
reach in and grab a hold of me
I'm so scared that I've started to slip

"Anyone Can Dig a Hole but it Takes a Real Man to Call it Home"
We always assume the worst
I'm afraid no ones listening anymore
I'm freaking out
I'm so sick
I'm making me sick
Don't look down
The only thing in my way is myself
I'm just thinking out loud
How can I still be alive
I should've been gone so long ago
I can't get away from it all
I messed up like I always do
I gave you nothing
I took you nowhere
You're still listening

Take from it what you will. I hope something resonated.

frustrations in the life of Snappy

Sooo you can't delete previous posts? Strange. There must be a way. I just haven't figured it out yet. If you know, and are reading this, please inform me.

I am frustrated, with a bunch of things. Well it may not in actuality be a bunch of things, but man it feels like it. I have friends moving, anal professors & other educational-related concerns, guy problems, WORK, financial concerns, and NOT ENOUGH TIME it feels like to deal with it all. Maybe I have too much time so I just worry about it instead of feeling the pressure to actually get it done/keep it off my mind. Yeah that must be it. But anyways, that list of things is actually kinda expansive so maybe I do have a reason to feel frustrated. I really would love love love not having guy problems. I don't want to give out any info about it really, but it makes another one of those issues more of a concern. When those 2 combine it = BBaaaaddddd. Oh freakin-A.
I need a vacation. Yeah, that's right. I, who work 3 days a week and go to school 3, needs a vacation. I want to go travel the world and when I get back I will miraculously have graduated hygiene school and have enough money to buy a house & pay off my debts. Heck yes. That would be awesome!

So until that day comes.......I need to deal with all this crap now. School comes first, then finances, friends, then boys. Sounds logical, but I'm not so sure I can keep friends & boys so far down on the list. Ah heck with the boys, they can be off the list. But my friends are important.

Ok I'm done ranting for now and I'm sure you're done reading it. NIGHT!

Ok so I'm listening to Pandora Radio and I got this great idea to list my all-time favorite albums, so here's the list (but not in any particular order exactly):

• Tell All Your Friends - Taking Back Sunday
• Silence - Blindside
• The Weak's End - Emery
• Your Favorite Weapon - Brand New
• God and the Devil are Raging Inside Me - Brand New
• Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest - as cities burn
  
• Come Now Sleep - as cities burn
• Commitment - The Felix Culpa
• The City Sleeps in Flames - Scary Kids Scaring Kids
• Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest - as cities burn
• They're Only Chasing Safety - Underoath
• A City by the Light Divided - Thursday
• Full Collapse - Thursday
• Catch for Us the Foxes - mewithoutYou
• The Ugly Organ - Cursive
• All's Well that Ends Well - Chiodos
• Bone Palace Ballet - Chiodos
• Fevers and Mirrors - Bright Eyes
• Lifted or the Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground - Bright Eyes
• Downtown Battle Mountain - Dance Gavin Dance
• It Won't Snow Where You're Going - Park
• Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie

Wow that list got pretty long. I can't narrow it down any more than that without some SERIOUS consideration which I am not about to do right now.

P.S. JO you got me hooked on this blogging stuff and I must unleash my revenge upon you! hehe jk