"And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him." (Deuteronomy 4:29)
(This is Moses speaking to the Israelites about how it would be/what they would have to do if they break their covenant with God [reject the LORD]).

Amazing how things are so much clearer for me. It all fits together. It's awesome. The Bible - I suggest it.

Changing tunes slightly, I've been praying to God to help me see the truth. I had been in a "cocoon." This cocoon had been profoundly encapsulating me for years now, but I decided it would figure itself out...or someday I would put in the effort to get myself out. Well I guess I was right about the latter part because that day came. But anyway, my thought process was "How do I know that God exists? How can I make sure that what I've been previously told doesn't influence my conclusion? If God does exist and Jesus is the Christ, why wouldn't this loving God show me he is real by having a relationship with me? How can I know this relationship isn't a self-constructed reality?"
I had been wondering if He heard me. And well, He has heard me! I had a breakdown from all this running through my mind all the time, every day (and listening to mewithoutYou). That night I asked God more sincerely and honestly than I ever had asked for anything to show me the truth, to make me trust in Him completely.
The next night my mom told me of these - now I was skeptical - these lessons collectively called The Truth Project. There was a conference at a local church on this which I was glad I couldn't make it to. Let me remind you, I was skeptical, and I didn't want to have to weed out more biased information on my journey to a conclusion on God. Well soon enough my mother was watching the DVD set of these lessons one day when I came home from work. I was curious and sat down to watch. I was very surprised that this dude - Dr. Del Tackett - was coming at all this in a very...philosophical way. Very logically deductive. Needless to say, I strongly recommend watching these lessons. The format is that this dude is teaching (I would like to use the word "discussing," but this dude has a doctorate and is standing in front of students, so I deem "teaching" appropriate) a class on the who, what, when, where, and why of God and of Christianity and teaching the who, what, when, where and why of the opposite side. I am a very much a stickler for logic and reason. And the (seemingly) ironic part of this is that God makes perfect sense. Of course He does!
Up until lately, it seemed fairly, kinda sorta, clearish foggyish that God was working in my life. The problem was that I couldn't see it because I didn't wholy believe that He could because I didn't wholy believe that He existed. And I was definitely not going to just allow myself to believe in something when I knew that was what I wanted to believe in. See, it's clear that people have a strong tendency to believe and/or "know" what makes them feel good, what brings them comfort. And I didn't want this. I want to know THE TRUTH, whatever that may be. I talk to God, and he hears me because he answers me. Maybe not on my time (I like instant), but it is soon enough. He does what I ask and he does what he says he'll do.
So anyway, long story short - think and put some effort behind it!, read the Bible, watch The Truth Project. I have it if you want to borrow it. Just ask.

I feel compelled to blog again, yet I have no idea what about at the moment. I'll keep typing and hopefully something will come up. I know I have things to discuss with the non-existant audience that is the internet...........

Well I hate to be a bummer but I did want to mention this experience I had at Starbucks the other day. I was sitting with my friend Derek, enjoying our hot + cold beverages when a man came in the shop who was clearly homeless. I started to ponder about this scenario, when a Starbucks barista went over to the man with a coffee and a chocolate chip cookie. She told him they were from "the woman in the red coat" (this woman had by now left the shop). I was pleased at this spectacle, until I heard the man say that he didn't want it. He wanted a green tea instead. He wanted a green tea instead?? Wow. I heard him and the barista discussing "spreads" as well and then noticed she took back the coffee and the cookie. This leads me to believe that he wanted something instead of the cookie as well. Now this became a conundrum for me. I believe that when someone could use some help or some benevolent act we should not judge or criticize, but offer our assistance. However, in this situation the dude was clearly was taking advantage of this kind woman (who, I'm assuming, thinks positively on the situation since she was not there to hear of the man complain of her gift) and this guy was not grateful or appreciative, clearly.
This bothered me for a day or two. Then I remembered something I should not have forgotten: no one sins against another person. People sin against God. And God deals with that. Therefore, however much this would bother me personally (if I had been the one to be so kind) I just have to keep doing what is right. It's not my place to deal with others' sins. God is great, isn't He?

I think that is all I have to say for now. I'm sure I'll blog again soon.
Peace!