This Is Quite Difficult

I know it's hard to believe, but I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. Nostalgic, often. Alone, mostly. Confused, almost always. Sometimes I think I might have stumbled upon the right mindset/viewpoint/attitude but that quickly fades out as a new unwelcome thought finds its way in. I'm trying to figure it all out. I know well enough that I won't...ever....but isn't that what we're supposed to do in this life? Try to figure it out and become someone you know you can't ever possibly become?
What a terrible conundrum.

There is nothing for which I'm responsible.
Just this baggage I keep carrying on,
As if I had someone.

Maybe there's a woman somewhere,
Who's still thinking of me.
A girl with coal black hair,
Who's haunted in her dreams.
By what they've seen, but it wasn't me.
It's just some lie, they slept beside.
Yeah I kept this from them,
But I can't keep this from you.

So will you look for me, in that strange bright place,
Where the statues bloom in the park.
They don't need no brain.
Cause how I ever got to you, I have no idea.
It's like some secret door, well it just appeared.
So, no matter what I do from now on with my time
You will always stay here, in my mind.
I'm certain of this, and I'm not certain of anything.

So, I wanna get myself attached to something bolted down.
So these winds of circumstance won't keep blowin' me around.
From when I land to when I leave:
There's not enough time to sleep and sing.
I keep running around and all I want is to lay motionless.