Kind of a Biography?

This past year has been crazy. Actually scratch that. It's probably more like almost 4 years that have been crazy. I've had the highest highs and definitely the lowest lows of my life in that time period. So much has happened, and I've learned so much from every bit of it. Throughout the lows, sometimes I couldn't see the light. Sometimes I didn't believe that there was any light at all. I had to deal with things the way they were up until August of '07. That was my breaking point. That's when things started to change for me, albeit slowly.
Up until August, I kept finding myself in bad circumstances. I tried to learn from them, however according to my actions I obviously hadn't. I did some things to try to cover up the pain and the loneliness that felt like a hazy fog around me. I couldn't really see what I was doing and honestly, I didn't want to. I knew I wouldn't be happy with myself if I looked objectively at my actions. It blanketed the pain, and that's all I was asking for.
Keeping this up, I decided I'd move to Atlanta to go to school for photojournalism. Mainly, I felt like I needed to get away. But the bad circumstances and actions on my part kept coming.
Bad had gotten better, then had gotten worse....then even worse. By the time of August 2007, I had finally found myself in a great predicament that forced me to look pretty hard at my life. Now before I go on, I want to say that I always had considered myself a Christian, even at this point. But what I thought that entailed, I wasn't sure. My fuzzy knowledge of Christianity had only gotten worse. I had fallen pretty far from God. I didn't believe He had much, if anything, to offer me anymore. However, I started praying again in July. I didn't know what was ahead but I knew I needed help. I didn't know what to do, and I honestly didn't have many options. But soon I had found myself in this predicament. I made the decision to leave. Things had gotten so out of hand that I needed to call, bawling, and ask my mom to come down and get me out of the place I left for to find refuge.
In a few days, mom and my brother came down with an SUV and money at hand to rescue me from what I had gotten myself into. Needless to say, I felt terrible. I felt pathetic. I knew I needed to kick things into gear.
Within a week of being back in Pennsylvania, I had my old job back and was looking for a new career path. I decided to go back to school for dental hygiene. This is the point in my life when I finally started to think rationally. I was planning to work and save up money and head back in a year, the next fall. However, things started rolling and I went back in January.
Obviously, things weren't easy. I had a lot of deal with. I had a lot to change and I knew it. Some of the old feelings I had that I left to avoid began to uncover. I started trying to seriously, honestly, and sincerely build a relationship with God. I don't know what exactly propelled me to start this journey, but I can rest assured that the major kick in the butt & reality check helped. Also, I had been involved in some deep conversations, and I can't help but thank God putting me through what I need to be put through, and for ushering me along during this process.
I started reading more of the Bible and praying more than I ever had, more sincerely than I ever had. I started to feel a connection happening. Feelings of self-doubt, self-pity, confusion, and loneliness were starting to dissipate. My biggest issues were figuring out exactly who I wanted to be, and how to become that.
In January, I was back in school, but I lacked close friendships. My best friend was away at college, and the majority of my friends I had lost contact with. Those of whom I hadn't, had lost a sense of closeness since I had been away for a while. I also had some issues with trust that I had to overcome.
Nevertheless, in March, I started to hang out with my good friends from high school. I hadn't realized how much I needed them. But with these friends came a certain "friend group." And with this came a lot of the issues that had plagued me and propelled me to leave in the first place. At this point, I had a what I would call a semi-decent relationship with God through Jesus that I knew I could handle it. I knew I was evolving and this was another step to overcome. It took some time, but I did it.
That semester I worked really hard at school, unlike I ever had. I finally saw a reason for it. I finally had a goal. I achieved a 4.0 GPA, and kept that up over the summer semester. My friendships were solidifying, and so was my relationship with God. I started to going to church again.
It feels like it's been a long journey and, well, it has. But I can be nothing but grateful for the opportunities for improvement that I have been given. After the situations I have overcome, I can easily spot my life's hurdles and realize how to overcome them. My sense of reason has been established and I can now look objectively at these hurdles and through the help of the Holy Spirit overcome them and evolve. Now, of course I do not have it all together. I'm learning. I'll always be learning, and I thank God for that. But now I do see the light.

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